March 2013, I found myself 10 weeks pregnant with our second child and leaving my ex-husband. The timing was horrible, but after 7 years together, I knew in my gut it had to be done. Thank God I had a very supportive and loving family. Otherwise, I don’t know how I would have done it. No need to get into the details of why I decided to leave at probably the worst time ever, but again it just had to be done.
It was the most difficult decision I ever made.
I had to start over again and go through an entire pregnancy by myself. I had to take care of a newborn by myself and our 4-year-old son at the time. I lived with my family and they helped when they could. My children were my responsibility; however, and I knew that how I handled the situation would affect my children for the rest of their lives. It was the most challenging and exhausting time of my life. I was at the lowest point of my life and there was nowhere else to go but up.
Of course, I had to stop and focus on taking care of myself physically and mentally for my kiddos. That was priority, but I knew that I had a lot of work to do on myself in order to get to a better place in my life. I began a new career and I stashed as much money aside as I could so that I could one day buy a home.
I threw myself into research.
Of course, I read books on divorce and relationships. Then when the fog cleared a bit from the newborn phase, I began to think about how I was going to get back out into the dating world. It was kind of a blessing in disguise that I couldn’t just get out and start dating again. It’s not like I could just go out on the town with a newborn baby at home! I had a lot of alone time. I had a lot of time to reflect in-between naps and feedings. Who the heck was going to want me? I had extra baby weight, a newborn, a 4 year old, and I was a divorcée. It was a huge crush to my ego and I was really lost for a while. I can’t even begin to explain the roller coaster of emotions. I can tell you that I did the work to get myself where I longed to be. I persevered when I just wanted to throw in the towel and give up.
It was the most trying time of my life, but I never gave up.
I changed the way I spoke to myself. I went from putting myself down due to my situation, to being my biggest supporter. That took a lot of practice, by the way. It’s still something I have to make a conscious effort to do every day. I began dating again and I sucked at it! I was clueless. I followed relationship gurus and took what I liked from each and I dated like crazy. I went on so many dates it was ridiculous. I never said no to a date. I basically knew I needed to practice dating and so that’s what I did. I also realized I had no idea what I wanted or needed in a partner anymore. I had some ideas on what I didn’t want, but needed to think more about the kind of person that was right for me.
So, I began to find myself again.
I realized that I had been in a bad relationship for so long I had no idea who I was anymore. That wasn’t my exes fault. It was mine for staying as long as I did. I began to try new things. I really putt myself out there and I tried to reconnect with myself. The good, the bad, and the ugly. There were some colossal failures and I won’t sugar coat that it was all great experiences, but I continued to push through. When I first began to date again, I didn’t get a call back from anyone. I even dated someone for a while like my ex. I was a mess and I still had so far to go. By the time I met my husband (3 years later) I was getting call backs from every date I went on. I was a woman in demand. I was like “what the heck?” What a change from a few years ago.
It felt amazing.
It was a complete 180 from where I had been. In fact, I found a piece of art while traveling for business that I bought. I decided that when I bought my own home totally on my own, I would put it in my entry way. I did just that and on the art is the saying on the home page of my site.
“One day she woke up and decided she was worthy. And her soul cried out with Joy.” ~ Marlou Falstreau, at email@example.com
I literally had a moment in this store that I still remember to this day. I knew in my heart at that moment that I was going to be okay. I knew I may not be there yet, but I was on the right track. I gave myself credit for trying and that just had to be enough at that moment. I promise if you just do the work and take it one day at time, one issue to resolve at a time, and you are kind to yourself when you feel like the lowest human on earth, you will get where you need to be. Please don’t give up! It makes me so sad when I see women who don’t value themselves so they settle for less than they deserve. It also makes me sad when I see women not being true to themselves, and who they are as a woman, and inevitably driving good men away.
Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves love. It’s so important to understand; however, that you have to love yourself first. Fill yourself up with love, and then and only then, can you give your love to another.
My passion is to help women learn to value themselves so that they can find true happiness with their one and only. You don’t have to be going through a complex situation like I was, because the truth is I was always a little lost. This was my road to finding myself. Everyone has their own story. Finding love can be difficult for everyone and we all need a little help from time to time. Some of us need help more than others, and that’s okay.
Our society puts so much time and energy on finding our career path and making money. We put so much emphasis on getting the nice car, and the fancy house, but we don’t put anywhere near the same amount of time and resources into establishing overall happiness and maintaining a quality life. We then wonder why we accomplish major goals in life yet we’re still unhappy.
When it comes to love… learning to love yourself and learning to love others…I have walked the walk. I have been there. I have researched have implemented into my life various practices that I know work. I didn’t just read it somewhere. I read it and then I applied it to my life.
I did the work. It was a long road but I would do it all over again if I knew I could be even half as happy, and at peace as I am now. Now I’m the happiest and most content with my life than I’ve ever been. I found a man who adores me, loves me for who I really am, accepts me for who I am, and who I love and adore right back.
For the first time in my life I’m at peace.
I know I’m not perfect and I’m okay with that because no one is. I strive each day to live honestly, and in the moment so that I’m living my truth. I promise, if you’re willing to do the work and be real with who you are, the good the bad and the very ugly, I can help you find happiness within yourself. We all have ugly I promise. The trick is learning to be authentic, open and raw, and most important forgiving. Forgiving to yourself first and then to others. You have to do the work. There is no escaping that, but it’s the most rewarding experience once you do.
You have one life! Make the most of it. Some of my views and advice may at first seem to go against today’s feministic ideals. If you’re a woman who is looking to be adored, cherished, and you’re unhappy in your dating life, I urge you to give it a chance if it doesn’t resonate right away. It may go against what some of us have been told in today’s feminist society, but I truly believe it’s a not a political issue when it comes to matters of the heart.
I also believe that you can be an independent, successful, and strong woman, who can also be taken care of by a man who adores you. There is no shame in that. It’s quite wonderful actually. I ‘m Niki Booker and my passion is to help women learn to value themselves so that they can find true happiness with their one and only. I have a bachelor’s degree from the University of Texas at Austin with a major in Psychology and minor in Education. I love how the mind works and I’ve studied it a lot. I’ve studied evolutionary psychology, motivational psychology, human sexuality, social psychology, and cognitive and physiological psychology.
But the real reason I am passionate about what I do is because of my own personal story. If you’re struggling to find your one and only, I would love to help you. I’ve been there and nothing brings me more pleasure then to help women not only find love but to find themselves. After all, you can’t find one without the other.
My beautiful blended (and very goofy) family and my heart.
Would you like some advice? I’ve been there and I can help.