Please stop saying all guys are jerks. Deal? Not all guys are jerks, and not all women are dying to be mommies. No man or woman is that simplistic, so let’s not over generalize, okay? We’re all adults here.
We can call this guy a jerk or we can take some responsibility for our own behavior, right? What do I mean by this? People treat you how you teach them to treat you. Do you sit around waiting for some guy to call you and are available at a moment’s notice? Well, you’ve shown him that he can treat you that way. If you don’t value yourself and have higher expectations then that’s what you get, unfortunately. This works both ways by the way.
As women, if we really like a guy we tend to make exceptions for him. (I’m literally shaking my head back and forth as I write this). We let a man get away with stuff because we don’t want to rock the boat. We don’t want to risk him going away! We think we have to show him that we really like him! We act all laissez-faire about it when it’s literally making our insides churn. No, no and no. Ladies, if a behavior doesn’t work for you, you must speak up! Oh, and you don’t have to be a bitch about it. In fact, men respond to a challenge. It actually works in your favor. Why do you think the guy that she wasn’t even thinking about romantically ends up getting the girl? (The girl that ends up happy anyway). It’s because she isn’t afraid to speak her mind and set boundaries with him. Guess what? This drives men crazy. They show up in ways they never have before for the woman who does this. Men want a challenge. (Not a crazy witch okay, but a challenge)
What Do You Do When You Really Like a Guy?
When we really like a guy we as women tend to do the exact opposite of what we should do. Do you act like something doesn’t bother you when you really like a guy, only to have him do it to you again and again? Have you set an unhealthy precedent that it’s okay to treat you a certain way that isn’t acceptable? At least it’s not really how you long to be treated by a man? Do you do this?
It’s like a complete system malfunction with women sometimes when we really like a guy. We lose all rational sense it seems and unfortunately come off as looking desperate. We make considerations that we really don’t want to make. We’ve become way too easy to pursue, or we are impossible to make happy. Can we find a happy balance here?
It’s super simple. If you don’t like a man’s behavior, then tell him so. He either accepts that those are your expectations and he lives up to them or he doesn’t. If he doesn’t, then move on. I promise you, as long you aren’t being unreasonable, there’s a guy out there who is a good fit for you. In fact, he will be determined to win you over.
Are You Taking Crumbs?
Are you dating someone and not sure if he’s really into you? Are you taking crumbs and don’t feel like a priority to him? Are you holding onto false hope because you really like him? Are you taking what little he gives you because you’re lonely? Are you so lonely that you’re willing to take crumbs? Are you afraid to be alone? Ladies, if a guy really likes you, he will make you a priority. Period. It really is that simple. You won’t have to wait around for him because he will be too busy pursuing you. If you’re sitting around waiting for some guy to call or make plans with you, then you’re going to be waiting around for a while. Are you tired of waiting for him to see you? Are you tired of waiting around for someone to sweep you off your feet?
STOP! Make yourself a priority. Teach him how to treat you. If you make yourself a priority, this shows men that they TOO must make you a priority. If he wants to be in your life, then he must make you a priority in his life.
Are you sitting around waiting for him to contact you and make plans? Please don’t do this. That wreaks of desperation. STOP. When you take crumbs from a man you come across as a woman of low value. Men are NOT attracted to women of low value. Period. Men are not attracted to women who don’t value themselves. What does this mean?
Men are attracted to women they have to work harder for.
What Else Attracts Men to Women?
Do you have anything you’re passionate about? Instead of sitting around waiting for him to call, go do something important to you. Go do something that makes you happy and gets you excited. Men are drawn to women who are passionate about something. When a woman is passionate about something, it shows men that you have something else going on in your life. It won’t be ALL about them. It shows men that you have a life and you will not sit around molding your life to his. It shows him that he had better stand out and step up if he’s going to get any of your time.
If you’re seeing someone and he does the below 13 behaviors, you’re coming across as a woman who does not value herself. I guarantee you that the guy you’re seeing isn’t that into you and it won’t go anywhere. In fact, it’s very likely he’s stringing you along while he pursues other women! It’s a harsh reality, but it’s still reality. It’s either that or he will continue to do the bare minimum until you get tired of it and go away. It’s brutal I know, but it’s the truth.
Here are the 13 behaviors of a man who isn’t that into you.
- He cancels plans at the last minute. Did you not make a big deal out of it the first time? Guess what? You’ve taught him it’s okay.
- You’re merely in his presence when you’re together but he’s not really paying much attention to you. (You’re okay with that because at least you’re hanging out).
- You don’t really know how he spends his time when you’re not together. In fact, you don’t know much about his personal life at all.
- When he invites you to hang out with his friends, he basically ignores you the entire time.
- He rarely or never takes you to a nice dinner or plans a nice evening for just the two of you. In fact, the last time he did this was your very first date!
- If you’re hanging out watching TV it’s like you’re not even in the room. He basically watches what he wants and ignores you. You’re simply occupying the same space.
- He only plans what he wants to do but invites you to tag along. He isn’t really interested in doing anything that you find enjoyable. He doesn’t make an effort to find out what you’re into. Worse, he doesn’t even introduce you to the group you’re out and about with!
- He never asks your opinion about anything. He goes on and on about everything going on in his life, but never asks about anything going on in yours.
- When he invites you places it’s always at the last minute. (This is because he knows you’re sitting around waiting for him!)
- He often goes quiet for a few days at a time. There are long periods of silence. (You’re so relieved when he finally reaches out that you act like everything is okay)
- He doesn’t reciprocate when you give him a complement. Unless of course he tells you “you’re hot.” Watch out for this. He may keep you around simply because of your looks. Only complementing your physical appearance can mean he’s not really interested in you as a person, but you make him look good when you’re out together. Or worse, he just wants to hook up.
- You’ve never been to his house. This means he’s not interested in incorporating you into his personal life.
- It’s all about him. He’s not really interested in what’s going on in your life. This means he never asks you many questions about what’s going on in your life. It’s like you’re an extension of him and not your own individual.
Remember, if you allow this behavior from a man, you’re telling him that it’s okay to treat you this way. Calling him a jerk or an a-hole is not taking any responsibility for your part in the relationship. You teach people how to treat you. If you allow poor behavior from a person, that’s what you will continue to get. Not because men are jerks okay, but because you are allowing it to happen. Don’t put up with it! You deserve better. By the way, women can be jerks too.
Do You Play Games?
To sum it up, women tend to do the exact opposite of what they should do when they really like a guy. We make exceptions and act like “it’s no big deal” when he does any of the above.
We think it will show him how much we like him. Worse, we play games by acting like we don’t care that much when we really do. We think we need to show him how much we like him, when in fact we don’t. I’m not saying not to be appreciative, or a diva. You just have to be clear in your expectations of him. You can very calmly and kindly say “This doesn’t really work for me. I’m not sure we should see each other anymore.” It’s bold but if he really likes you, it works. I know it may scare you that he might let you down. He’s letting you down anyway, right?
Be strong. I promise you there’s a guy out there who will make you a priority. If you say this to the guy you’re seeing, it may not immediately work, and he may even go away. If he does really like you, it will work. You have to really mean it. Don’t spend anymore time with him until he treats you how you deserved to be treated. You’re setting a precedent for how he will continue to treat you. If you don’t like a behavior, it’s okay to speak up.
Again, you don’t have to be dramatic about it. He needs to see that you’re not going to force a relationship. A guy wants to know you like him for who he is, but he needs to see that you have standards and will hold him to those standards. The more calm you are about it, the more you get your point across when you deliver the message. Just be assertive, kind and get straight to the point. He will respect you for it. Did he say that doesn’t work him? Kindly tell him “Well, it was nice to meet you. I wish you the best.” Just move on and find your guy. Don’t force it with the wrong one.
Here’s what I’m saying. If you really like a guy, you must show him that you value yourself. If you don’t value yourself, that will come across and he will never make you a priority. You teach people how to treat you. You must be patient and wait for the right guy to show up. Don’t try and force a relationship. It’s the biggest time waster!!! There’s already someone out there that’s perfect for you. Be patient and smile because your guy is out there. When it doesn’t work out with one guy, take some solace in the fact that you just got one step closer to finding him. 🙂
So how do you avoid this? How do you show up as a woman who should be a priority?
If you think the guy you like isn’t that into you then please read Old School Dating. Begin to incorporate Old School Dating into your dating life and you will be amazed at how your relationships with men will transform. One of two things will happen. Your guy will either begin to show up and treat you as a priority, or he will cut you lose and put you out of your misery. You will finally know how this guy really feels about you. Don’t you want to know how he really feels?
Does that sound scary to you? Afraid he’s not that into you? Let me ask you this. Why are you sitting around waiting for some guy to give you the bare minimum? I promise you there’s a guy out there waiting to make you a priority. The trick? You have to make yourself a priority first! The guy you’re meant to be with will follow your lead. Listen, if you want to meet a man who will love you and adore you, you have to love yourself enough to make yourself a priority.
Do you know what happened once I began Old School Dating, and I followed the ten rules in Never Chase a Man Again? Six months later I was married to the love of my life. No joke. No BS. Old School Dating works. Old School Dating combined with the ten rules in Never Chase a Man Again will transform your dating life and you will be a woman in demand. Your self-esteem will sky-rocket and you will wonder why you didn’t always do it. There’s strategy to making this work and you will most likely need to change your own behavior. You will find the strategy you need in both of these posts. I promise. It works. Just try it and you will see.
If you take anything away from this please take this.
You will never be a priority to a man until you make yourself a priority first. Don’t take crumbs. You don’t have to be a diva or high maintenance but you do need to value yourself. If you don’t value yourself, you will never find a man who also values you. You will continue to get the least amount of effort from the men in your life.
It’s really that simple.