I’m finally at a point in my life where I’m done with crazy. I mean it. If someone is mentally draining and effecting my life negatively, then I’m done. Peace out. Too many times throughout my life I let someone take too much of my time and energy. Once upon a time I let people hurt me. If someone didn’t intend to hurt me, even though they did, then they’re broken and it’s my job to fix this person. I thought I was a bad person for leaving someone in need of help. Maybe they couldn’t help themselves because bad stuff happened to them? I thought I had to be a good person and help because it’s the right thing to do. I was a magnet for broken men. Heck, I was a magnet for broken people in general because I like to help people.
It feels good when I’m able to help another person. I thought a broken person deserved my time and energy.
You know what?
That’s total BS.
I’ve gotten to a point in my life that I’m officially done with crazy. I don’t care how much that person thinks they need me. I don’t care how bad he or she tries to make me feel for walking away. I’m simply not falling for it anymore. It’s simply not worth it. If a person isn’t willing to help him or herself, then I’m done wasting my time. I’ll try but I’m no longer anybody’s fool. You know the saying George Bush tried so hard to articulate but only butchered? (LOL)
“Fool me once? Shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me.”
I’ve finally realized that I don’t have to be so nice. I’ve finally realized that there are good people in my life who truly care about me and they deserve my time and devotion. No longer do I have space in my mind or heart for takers and users. I’m over it. I’m wise to it. It may happen once but it won’t happen again.
Are You With a Taker?
Are you with someone who’s wearing you out? Has this person taken so much from you that you feel depleted? Maybe this person continues to hurt you and refuses to take any responsibility? Is it always your fault no matter the circumstances? Do you feel like you have to figure things out alone? It is always on you to deal with it?
Worse, are you with someone who puts you down when you’ve called them out on a bad behavior? I’m so over it. Rather than try and fix what’s wrong in their life, they try to make you feel like it’s your fault. You know who I’m talking about. This is the man or woman who finds blame in you, whenever he or she is unhappy with their own life. This is the person who has no accountability for their actions. This person is simply unable to ever say “I’m sorry,” or “I was wrong.” It’s always someone else’s fault. This is the person who’s always the victim.
The victim will only fool people for so long. Time will tell, eventually. If you pay attention to repeated behaviors, then time will tell. The victim’s time does eventually run out. (I was forced to deal with this type of person this week so hence my rant today)
How do you know you’re with someone who is crazy, or worse they’re making you feel crazy? Call it narcissistic, call it selfish, call it lazy, call it broken. You can call it whatever you want, but I’m going to loop all of these words together and just call it what it is.
How Do You Spot Crazy?
How do you know you’re with someone who’s broken? How do you know you’re with someone who’s a taker? I’m not only talking about dating by the way. I’m talking about friends, exes, family members, co-workers even. Below are signs you’re with someone who will deplete you and drive you crazy.
Why? I Would Never! Crazy Sign #1
He or she can never admit wrongdoing. It’s like there’s a mental block and it’s impossible to ever hear “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” from this person. It simply never happens. Even when it’s obvious a certain behavior is wrong, this person will find a scapegoat or lame excuse. There’s no accountability for even the worst of behaviors with this person. This person acts shocked when you call them out on something, as if they would never do something like that! Even if they (plain as day) behaved in a manner that is unacceptable they look at you as if you did something wrong. How dare you accuse them! Really, they’re pissed you called them out and tried to make them accountable for their actions. Crazy maker.
You Made Me Act This Way! Crazy Sign #2
Their horrible behavior is your fault. Even when this person displays the worst of behaviors, they somehow turn it around on you. You made them behave this way. They only acted that way because of something that you did. If you hadn’t done “fill in the blank” then they never would have done “insert bad behavior.” This person has the inability to self-reflect and make better choices. He or she takes the easy way out by placing blame on others. It’s your fault they behaved poorly!
The Compulsive Liar. Crazy Sign #3
He or she lies, even about stupid things of no consequence! Then this person actually has the nerve to say they didn’t lie and you just remember incorrectly. This is the biggest crazy maker of all! You know what you remember, but it seems they always find a way to twist the truth. This person literally lives in an altered reality. It’s crazy. They literally mis remember events so they don’t feel so bad about it. That is their unhealthy coping mechanism. This person lies so much to others and to himself that he literally doesn’t remember what the truth is anymore. To this person, the truth is now the lie. It’s creepy as hell but there are people who do this. (I have a tip to help with this this. I did it and will address later)
Hello Dr. Jekyll or Ms. Hyde? Crazy Sign #4
He or she is either the nicest person or they’re putting you down and taking jabs at you. There really is no in-between. It’s either a really awesome time with this person, or there is drama and hostility. You’re never quite sure who you’re going to get. Do you find yourself walking on egg shells around a person? Not sure what might set them off? It’s almost as if this person is two people and you’re just hoping for the nice one. The nice one is actually extremely pleasant and likable, but don’t be fooled. This is how the manipulation works. The goal is to catch you totally off guard so that you aren’t prepared to handle it. Crazy maker.
Prince Charming or Evil Villain? Crazy Sign #5
He or she is super charming to everyone around you at social events, but when it’s just the two of you, he or she can be extremely cold and harsh. This person would never behave in front of others the way they behave in front of you. Again, there is no in-between. It’s like a roller coaster ride that you can’t wait to get off. It can be exciting at first because this person is so overly nice to you, and then you realize it’s really one of those freaky carnival rides that’s sure to go off the rails at any moment. This is the person that people are shocked that you broke up with! They cannot even fathom the truth about this person because he or she is so overly charming. This person over compensates with others because they want you to look like you’re the unreasonable one. He or she can only behave for so long, but eventually their true colors show. This person is like a ticking time bomb that you’re just waiting to set-off. Tricky thing is that you have no idea what will ignite it! It’s infuriating and super confusing.
How Could You? Crazy Sign #6
Everything’s going great, and then boom, out of nowhere you’re getting accused of something that you would never do. This happens because this person judges you based on what they would do. They accuse you of something most likely because they’ve actually done it themselves. There is no direct correlation based on your past behavior, but instead it’s based on their past behavior. What does this look like? Basically, imagine getting accused of something you would never do. Then watch closely because most likely this person has done exactly what they’re accusing you of. This one has the ultra-right-left combo effect when combined with #8 below.
Convenient Amnesia. Crazy Sign #7
He or she will tell you what you want to hear when you’re really mad, and then months later, this person will act as if it never happened! This person agreed to something when he or she thought you were really done, and then months later they literally deny everything. You feel like you’re going out of your mind when this happens. You know what happened but they refuse to discuss or confirm it when it becomes a problem again. This combined with #3 above is a serious crazy maker.
The Opportunistic Therapist. Crazy Sign #8
This person knows about certain traumas in your life and will use that information to take you down when there’s a disagreement. This person will take something that happened to you in your past, and will use that as the scapegoat for their behavior. They will try and tell you it’s not really their behavior that’s bothering you, its effects from a traumatic event that occurred in your life. He or she has all of sudden become a therapist in their own mind. This one’s a real mind F#*$. Got to love the creativity. Crazy maker.
If you’re friends with someone, or dating someone like this then I really feel for you. The longer you’re with this type of person the more your own perceptions and reality are seriously altered. It can take a while to get out from under someone so manipulative.
Think You’re Dating Crazy?
Is this person really crazy and how do I get out of it? This goes back to #3 above “The Compulsive Liar.” I was with a person years ago romantically and I finally got out. We would have a discussion about something and we would make an agreement that a bad behavior would stop. Then three to six months would go by and he inevitably did it again. When I would reference our prior conversation he would literally deny the conversation ever took place! He would even deny the behavior ever occurred in the first place. He would say to me point blank, that he had no idea what I was talking about! He would look at me like I was crazy. He did this repeatedly for years. I felt like I was losing my mind in a sense. My reality was being questioned. I would know in my gut and in my mind what really happened, but this other person flat out denied it. Then he even tried to tell me I was crazy or that it was all in my head. Yep. It was a miserable time for me. Does this sound familiar to you?
Do you know what I finally did?
I started to write everything down. Literally everything. I wrote down the date and time “it” happened and then as much detail as possible surrounding the incident. Then when the bad behavior would inevitably occur again, I would refer back. I would literally say to him. “Nope, on this day at this time you said or did “fill in the blank.” It drove him bananas. When you do this, there’s really nothing the other person can say. Sadly, it’s not even worth bringing up with this person because crazy people don’t live in reality.
In fact, if you’re with someone who has a temper it just really pisses that person off so be careful. The thing is I didn’t do it to prove anything to him. I did it for myself. I did it for myself so I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, the truth. I was in this altered reality for so long I hardly knew what was true anymore. I was told for so long that I was the one who was wrong, or crazy, or making a big deal out of nothing. This continuance of lies and deception had actually become my new normal! I had to figure out what to do. I had to figure out what was real again. I had to re-learn the truth again in a sense.
You know what happened next?
Things became so unbelievably clear. Then I got mad. I got really mad. I removed this person from my life as much as possible. I still write everything down. It really helps you keep your head on straight. You get back to living in reality without this person interfering. If it’s written down, then it’s real. It’s more concrete. It’s the actual reality. Then you have to make a choice not to let this person “rent anymore space in your head.” That’s a saying that my family has actually. My parents and I decided that we were officially done with crazy. Life has been pretty peaceful since then. Of course there’s new (an old) people that come into your life to test your limits. If you’re in this situation, I urge you to keep a journal and write stuff down. I always say you should write everything down. Basically, if you’re struggling with anything or anyone in life, then you should write about it in your journal. Then reference it when needed. It provides clarity and focus when you need it most. It keeps you real. It keeps you grounded in reality. It also helps you to remember how you felt at the time. This feeling then becomes a trigger. This trigger can then be used help you out in future situations with other takers and users. Pay attention to the feeling. This becomes your gut reaction. You then have to listen to your gut.
Are you really dealing with a crazy person?
Maybe it’s not as bad I mention above. Maybe there’s someone in your life who’s a friend that’s mentally draining you. You feel like you’ve helped this person over and over again, and he or she just doesn’t ever seem to get it. Worse, when you stop helping them because they never take your advice, they get mad at you!
I see this all the time with the people that I help in my life. It drives me bananas. In fact, it was taking up so much of my time, that I had to learn to set boundaries. I have a new mantra that I live by as it relates to how much I allow people to influence my life. I have one life and I choose to protect it. I want my life to be peaceful. I’m no longer willing to allow people into my life that are sucking the life out of me.
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