After working with one of my private coaching clients this week, I was reminded of something very important. He came to me after a difficult divorce and now a difficult break-up. He’s literally one of the nicest guys on the planet. It makes me sad that he continues to find himself heart broken and alone.

He just wants to meet a woman who will love him for who he is, who is kind, and who will appreciate his kindness in return.

We sat down together one evening and I asked him to make a list of at least 5 must-haves that he wants in a partner. I gave him 5-10 minutes and told him to really think about what he wants, what he needs, and what will make him happy at the very basic level.

We reviewed the list and worked together for another 25-30 minutes on refining that list. By the time we finished the list transformed into a much longer and more detailed list. I asked him questions and we discussed each trait so that it was perfectly clear to him what kind of woman he was looking for and also what kind of woman he needs. We also clarified some areas where he was confused and needed some direction.

[Read more…] about Five Red Flags To Look For When Dating

It’s the year 2019 and you feel like this may be the year for you? You’re determined to find love. You’re ready to put yourself out there and meet the love of your life. You desperately want to fall in love and find that special person to spend your life with.

My question to you is are you ready? Are you really ready to open up your heart and let someone in?

A lot of us want love but the question is are we ready for it?

They say love happens when you least expect it and I believe that’s very true.

That’s how it happened for me anyhow. I was finally at place of peace and contentment in my life. I was happy on my own and I didn’t need to be with someone, but I was open to the possibility. I was no longer going to try and force it, but if someone came along and added to my already pretty great life, then I would welcome it gladly!

How do you know if you’re ready? How do you know if you’re at a place in your life that you’re truly ready to accept love into your heart?

The thing is, it doesn’t matter how much you want it, if you’re not truly ready for it.

I believe that it takes a certain mindset before you can find true love. Love that will last. Love that is wildly exciting but practical at the same time. The kind of love that you thought wasn’t even possible.

What kind of mind set is required to really be ready for love?

I’ve got three mind-sets that I truly believe are a MUST if you’re really ready to find your one and only.

[Read more…] about Are You Ready for Love?

I was reading a book by David M. Buss called “The Evolution of Desire.” It’s all about the strategies of human mating and how that ties to evolutionary psychology.

The premise is that we behave a certain way based on the reproductive needs of our ancestors. Those of you who read my blog know that I love evolutionary psychology. I find it fascinating and often correlate my dating and relationship advice back to theories behind evolutionary psychology. I studied evolutionary psychology in college and I couldn’t get enough!

It’s pretty straightforward…

Men want sex and women want commitment. Okay, I realize it’s not that straightforward, but it’s the basic premise of our reproductive needs.

Both men and women ultimately have the same goal, however, and that is reproductive success. After that… it get’s a little tricky.

[Read more…] about Mating Strategies of Men and Women

Just when everything is going great and it’s all sunshine and roses, bam, a disagreement happens with your spouse or your significant other. It sucks. It’s inevitable that you’ll have a disagreement with your spouse, but does it have to turn into a fight? Do you fight dirty?

When you have a disagreement do you immediately try and get the upper hand? Do you quickly jump into defense mode? Do you start listing off all the ways your spouse is wrong, and bring up stuff from the past? Do you resort to name calling, or worse? Do you make threats to leave? Is your goal simply to win? If you do this, then you my friend are fighting dirty.

My husband and I had a disagreement right before our anniversary. We’ve been married for almost two years and it literally happened right before our very first anniversary and our trip with our kiddos for Spring Break. Boo.

I wasn’t happy about the way he handled something. Really, my feelings were just hurt. I wasn’t torn up about it, but I thought we could have both handled the situation a lot better. It’s not really even important what we were fighting about. Honestly, we just weren’t taking the time to communicate carefully because we were both so pressed for time. We were pushing to get a ton of stuff done for work, so we could take the week off for Spring Break with the kids. You know, regular life stuff?  We are generally very careful about how we talk to each other. We’ve both been in un-happy marriages, divorced and struggling on our own. We both know how hard it is to raise children on your own, so we are so unbelievably grateful to have found each other and have a second chance. We will not “F” it up!

Bottom line, you will always have something to fight about in relationships. It’s not really what you fight about, however, it’s how you fight. I actually hate using the word fight, because it shouldn’t be a fight. It really should be a healthy and respectful debate. If anything, it should be a slightly heated conversation at most.

[Read more…] about Do You Fight Dirty?

I was reading this book over the weekend called “The Power of The Other” by Dr. Henry Cloud.

It made me realize something very important.

I always talk about self-love and loving yourself first. I always talk about how important it is to fill yourself up with love so that you have love to give.

In a recent interview I was asked how I deal with heartbreak. My answer was that I’ve always had a cheerleader in my corner. That cheerleader is my mother and she has always been the person that I go to whenever I’m struggling with heartbreak or anything difficult in my life.

Now, I also have my husband, which I am forever grateful for.

My mother never let me wallow in my own pity. She allowed me to be sad and she validated my feelings, but she didn’t let me feel sorry for myself. She reminded me that I have a lot to be thankful for in my life.

She would sympathize with my situation, but then she would put on that brave smile and tell me that I’ve got to be strong and push through. She told me to keep at it, and it will get better. She told me that if I never give up then I will see progress and things will improve.

She never let me quit.

She didn’t crack the whip, however, as she was always kind and supportive in her approach. It was never too aggressive or negative. It was always inspiring. After I finished speaking with her I always felt the same way…

I felt relieved that it wasn’t just me and I wasn’t alone in my experiences. I also always felt inspired. I felt that I had the ability to make changes if I just didn’t give up on myself.

It sounds like a cheerleader, right?

I bring this up because I realized as I was reading this book that not everyone has a cheerleader.

This really bothers me.

[Read more…] about Are You Running on Empty?