In last week’s blog post we talked about the first component of emotional intelligence, which is Self-Awareness.
Self-Regulation is the Second Component.
Can you control your impulses? Are you moody, or are you open to change? Can you handle uncertainty? The ability to appropriately and positively respond to something, that might not match-up with your thinking, is a part of self-regulation.
For example, the guy or girl you are going out with, calls at the last minute and cancels your date. Where does your mind go? Do you lash out at them? Do you immediately call them a jerk? Or, do you try to understand why they had to cancel?
No, it’s not cool to cancel at the last minute, but do you immediately get an attitude before you even know why?
As a single mom for three years, I had to cancel a lot of dates at the last minute. Was I flaky? No, I was a mom with two kiddos, and I had no choice but to cancel at times. If a guy were to give me an ounce of attitude, without even knowing why I had to cancel, I would most likely never go out with him again.
I wouldn’t yell at him for being a jerk, (because I can self-regulate) but I would definitely apologize for the inconvenience, tell him to have a nice day, and then I would move on.
Accountability is a major part of self-regulation. Are you accountable for your actions? This is such a huge one for me personally.