Do we really have one soul mate out there somewhere? Is there really only one person that’s perfect for you? Is there someone out there that will bring peace and happiness into your life? Is he or she just waiting to be found?
A lot of my subscribers ask me if I really believe there’s one person put on this planet for each of us. Do I really believe that we all have only one soul mate?
First of all. Could we really prove it anyway? It’s love. Just like we believe in a higher power and we have faith in a God, we don’t actually have clear proof? Isn’t love like that? Don’t you need to also have faith in love?
Do soulmates really exist? Here’s my answer.
Who knows and who cares.
If you’re sitting around waiting for some man or woman to sweep you off your feet, then you better get a comfortable chair. Sitting around is doing nothing. Don’t wait for someone to make you happy. Make yourself happy. You’ll find that once you learn how to do this, very special people begin to show up in your life.
The point is, if you don’t know your soul, you will be unable to deeply love another human being. You may love that person, but you will find it difficult to achieve true intimacy and peace in your life together. You will find it difficult to raise happy children. You will also find it difficult to get through life’s inevitable traumas.
You must find your soul, before you can find a suitable mate for your heart.
After all, if you don’t really know your heart, how can you find its companion? Maybe we have more than one so-called soulmate and maybe we don’t. It doesn’t change the fact, that you still need to find your soul first, before you can find true love.
In order to find your soul, you must achieve peace in your life.
You must achieve happiness and peace alone first. If you’re unhappy alone, you will struggle to find a deep connection with another human being. That’s just the way it is. It may not sound fair to you, but life isn’t fair is it? Back when I was recently divorced and looking to find someone special, I finally realized something very important. I finally realized that until I was at peace with myself, that I would never truly be able to love another human being. Until I learned how to love myself, I couldn’t possibly love another human how they too deserved to be loved.
Whether we’re already in a relationship or looking to find one, we all tend to commit the same harmful actions to some degree. We all tend to make bad choices, or take things out on the people we love. You must have self-love and a good sense of self before you can find the kind of love we all dream about. Call it a soul mate, call it your best friend, call it whatever you want. The point is this.
You must find your soul first.
There’s logic to finding a companion in your life. For me it was really simple logic. The logic was easy, but of course pulling it off was another story!
Here’s my logic to finding love. This is how I believe it must be done.
Find Your Soul First
To find your soul, I believe that three things must take place.
To have self-love and know your value you must be emotionally mature. You must understand why you feel a certain way, and have a healthy way to manage your thoughts and actions. You must have your priorities straight and cannot be fixated on things that don’t matter. Otherwise you’re distracted from what’s important. You must learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others. Everyone deserves happiness. Everyone deserves love. You must learn how to love yourself first. Fill yourself up with love, and only then, can you give your love to another.
Find Your Soulmate Second
Now that you’ve found your soul, it’s time to put yourself out there! You deserve to find another human that adores and loves you. Okay, so you were brave and strong and held firm in order to find your soul. You didn’t waiver or decide it was too hard. You held your feet to the fire and now you’ve achieved peace and happiness in your life. Good for you. That is amazing.
Is there someone you’ve been dating and you’re beginning to fall for that person? Do you think that you may love this person? Maybe you’re not sure but this person seems to be what you’ve been waiting for? What’s next? Do you want to go from simply being in a relationship to being in a deeply loving, and committed relationship? Do you want the kind of love that some think is rare? Do you want the kind of love that lasts?
Most people call it luck. Most call it destiny, or fate. I don’t believe that. I believe that if you do the work on yourself, it can happen to anyone.
What’s next? Now we get to the good stuff…
There are logical steps that must occur when you meet someone, and before you’re able to achieve true intimacy with that person. Without intimacy there is no soulmate. Without intimacy, love is on the surface and has no depth. As a result, fighting and disagreements are more likely to occur, as are dishonesty and adultery.
What are the sequence of events that lead you to achieve true intimacy?
Your Person Has Found Their Soul #1
This person has done the same hard work on him or herself that you’ve done. They’ve done the work themselves and they are no longer waiting around for another human being to bring happiness into their life. This person knows that the only way to be happy is to create it from within. This person values him or herself and has self-love. This person also knows how to forgive, doesn’t hold immature grudges and knows how to accept another human’s faults. If you can’t accept your own faults, you will fail to accept others. You will be overly critical and harsh if you don’t learn to forgive.
You Share a Deep Level of Attraction #2
There must be a deep level of attraction. It’s not purely physical, however. There’s also attraction that occurs as a result of valuing and loving what a person stands for and what they believe. When someone validates what you’ve already found to be true in your own heart, you can now connect with their heart. It’s very powerful. The attraction will vary from time to time, of course, but it won’t go away and can be ignited rather easily again. When there’s a mental attraction as well as physical attraction, watch out!
You Share The Same Values & Belief Structure #3
It’s so important that you share the same beliefs. Strong but conflicting beliefs can derail you for good. Make sure you talk about the important stuff. Don’t keep it on the surface. Talk about what’s in your heart and what you believe, even if you hold a strong or controversial opinion about something. It’s so amazing when you find someone else who shares that very strong opinion with you. It’s pretty beautiful actually. You feel a sense of peace that you’re not alone! Be bold and don’t play it safe. Be the person you are on the inside and you will find someone else just like you.
You Maintain Healthy Communication #4
You can’t be a jerk. The goal should always be to come to an understanding together. The goal is to understand each other and support each other. Trying to win a fight to have the upper hand or putting each other down, will destroy the relationship. Don’t fight dirty. You must be willing and able to take a good look at yourself, open your heart and be vulnerable with each other. Don’t hold back. Say what you mean, just make sure you do it kindly. It should be about how it makes you feel. It should not be about how the other person is jerk, or an idiot. Try to find understanding and talk about it without attacking each other. Most of the time, it’s a simple misunderstanding that has been completely blown out of proportion. If you just take the time to learn how to communicate in a healthy way, you will save yourself hours of distress. Your relationship will blossom and you will achieve a level of intimacy that you didn’t realize was capable.
You’re Able To Forgive Each Other #5
You’ve had enough discussions about the big stuff. You know each other, so you know where he or she is coming from when you have a disagreement. You have a basic understanding of why he or she may have acted in the manner that they did. I’ve said this time and time again. We are all imperfect beings who all just want to be loved. Learn how to love yourself through forgiveness. Forgive yourself for not being perfect and you will learn how to forgive and be kinder to others.
The Reward? Intimacy.
So many couples have a horrible sex life. It’s because they haven’t achieved true intimacy. When you’re able to achieve true intimacy with your partner, the sex is off the charts! For real. Intimacy is not about sex, but intimacy does affect your sex life greatly. Men, if you open up your heart to a woman, but you are strong and firm in your beliefs… well, you will find out, if you have the guts!
So, do you believe we all have only one soulmate?
Does it really matter?
What do you think? I would love to know. Subscribe to my newsletter and send me an email with your thoughts.
Do you know the #1 Trait that men find attractive in women? Read here to find out.