Broken Relationships vs. Broken People
How to identify the difference.
Unfortunately, I’ve had a lot of experience with broken people in my life. I even had to deal with a broken person lately which is why I’m writing this post today. I’ve also had a lot of experiences with really great people! I have solid references for both.
I believe you must remove or set strict boundaries with broken people. When you allow broken people into your life you are unable to live in peace. Broken people in your life allow for constant disruption and conflict. It’s extremely frustrating.
Sometimes is hard to tell the difference between a broken person and a broken relationship. It can take years to identify a broken person, especially if you’re kind-hearted and like to help others.
How to you identify someone as broken? How do you tell the difference and what are some clear signs?
You may simply just have a broken relationship. If this is the case then both people are willing to take a hard look at themselves. Both live in reality and most importantly both are willing to be accountable for their behavior. Both must be willing to put in the work to heal the relationship knowing that it may take time and there’s no overnight solution.
Both people must realize that their behavior is a choice and they are in control of their choices. If a person can’t control their behavior? They seek the help of a licensed professional. They don’t live in denial and choose to manipulate the environment and the people around them in order to thrive. They don’t hide from themselves or sweep things under the rug. Both people must feel they are being heard, and both must tell the TRUTH. Most importantly both must show by their behavior that they are committed to healing the relationship.
Broken relationships can be fixed if there are core common beliefs, and values. Sometimes you just don’t believe in the same things. A lot of the time you just have to agree to disagree with the understanding that you truly care about the other person and wish the best for them. You have to allow for mutual respect even though you may have a different point of view. This takes emotional maturity. Sometimes broken relationships can heal and sometimes you just have set healthy boundaries. Bottom line, both parties must be honest, living their truth and must be accountable for their own behavior.
Broken people do not live in reality. In fact, they’ve created their own version of reality. Some are often delusional. Broken people are not accountable for their behavior. Their poor behavior is always your fault. Their poor behavior is always tied back to something that you did. If a person is unable to be accountable for their poor behavior, then they will never be able to change that behavior.
Is this person permanently broken? Possibly. How do you know or measure this? In order for this person to heal, they MUST take responsibility for their poor behavior. This person must realize that their poor behavior is a choice. If they can’t do this, then that person is still broken. Sadly, broken people can’t always control their behavior even though they know it’s wrong. They rationalize the poor behavior by incorporating external factors. Everything is externally driven and they are either unwilling or unable to be accountable for their life and their choices. If a person is unable to control their behavior then that person must make a CHOICE to get help. If a person is either unwilling or unable to tell the truth, then they’ve decided that they will live by their version of the truth, no matter the consequences. Broken people are their own worst enemy, even though they often see others as out to get them.
Broken People Often Play The Victim
Whether it was their parents who taught them unhealthy behaviors, or something you did, there’s always a scapegoat no matter what. Someone else is always to blame for their poor choices in life.
Playing the victim is a choice. Playing the victim is the easy way out. This way they never have to look within and do the hard work to improve their quality of life.
Throughout my life I’ve met people who have had bad things happen to them. I’ve known people who had horrible parents who weren’t emotionally available, were emotionally abusive, or worse physically abusive.
Yes, this is learned behavior, but there comes a point in each of our lives where we have to make a decision. Once you become an adult you are expected to know right from wrong. When you make poor choices as an adult you will struggle emotionally, or even possibly legally. Adults are treated as such.
There’s two basic ways that we learn poor behavior.
You were either raised to do the right thing and be honest so you learned healthy behaviors. You were taught that dishonesty, hatefulness, and blame are not healthy and will not be tolerated in the home.
The other way is that you learned what NOT to do if you had parents who made poor choices.
The Fork in the Road
If you suspect that you’re broken, or displaying broken characteristics, then you can go one of two ways. You can either accept that it may not be your fault, but it’s still your problem, and seek help.
The other option is to continue the pattern of unhealthy behavior and use others as your scapegoat. If you choose this route, then you will continue to find constant conflict in your relationships.
Dishonesty and the inability to be accountable for your behavior does not give you the right to a loving relationship with a person who isn’t broken.
Adults know right from wrong. It’s time to make a choice. You either choose to learn from your past, or let yourself become a victim of it.
I’ve had three people in my life that I’ve had to walk away from. It was heart-breaking because I knew why these people behaved as poorly as they did. Someone taught them these poor behaviors. Someone treated them unkindly. Two were family members and one was a romantic relationship. These people were broken. Not only were they unwilling to be accountable for their poor behavior, but they were dishonest in the process.
Broken People are Often Dishonest
They often twist the truth.
How do broken people twist the truth and how do you spot it?
Broken people have learned how to manipulate others and their environment in order to continue live in their altered reality. Unfortunately, this means they are often dishonest. A really good liar or manipulator takes one small piece of truth and then layers it will lies. This is a method used to confuse you. This is unfortunately how an unhealthy mind manipulates others. Small factual pieces mixed in with lies just to throw you off. It’s extremely frustrating when you’re on the receiving end of this. You feel like you may be losing your mind because you know the truth but this person twisted it to fit with their own version of the truth. The truth that works in their favor.
If you suspect you are dealing with someone who is broken, then I really feel for you. I’ve been there and it’s one of the most frustrating yet sad experiences to go through.
Just remember. If you tell the truth and take responsibility for your own actions, then that’s all that you can do. You can’t force someone to change. You can’t heal a person who has had years of unhealthy thinking. Only a professional can do that.
You can either remove this person from your life, or learn how to set boundaries if that isn’t possible.
The truth will always come out. The truth will set you free.
Are you Susceptible to Broken People?
If you’re nurturing by nature and if you always put yourself in other people’s shoes then that’s great! You are an amazing person and I wish there were more people like that in the world. However, you must protect your peace and know that you are more susceptible to this type of person. It’s okay to walk away from someone who is broken. If a person will not be accountable for a poor behavior, then the behavior will not change.
If the behavior of a person is unacceptable to you and it hurts you, then you have the right to walk away.
Protect your peace and protect your heart. You have value and deserve to have someone in your life that provides the same kind of love and care that you provide to others.
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