I remember when I was a doormat for men. I remember when I had no clue how to show up to a relationship. I didn’t feel good in my own skin. I was chasing happiness, instead of creating it for myself. I was chasing men and thought that catching one would make me happy.
I remember feeling like I had to do all the work to get a relationship to progress. I thought the more work I did to drive a relationship forward with a man, the better my odds were that he would stick around.
I remember reaching out and trying to connect with a guy. I remember waiting around for him to call and ask me out, only to have another weekend go by and nothing. I remember thinking “What am I doing wrong? What can I do to get this guy?”
I remember letting men string me along while I sat around hoping one would call. Worse, I would try and convince a guy of why we should be together! I remember spending all of my time obsessing over one guy, only to be heart broken when he didn’t call, or he disappeared.
I was putting so much work into getting a guy to like me it was pathetic.
I was pathetic.
After enough suffering I finally got my act together. I finally had men pursuing me. I finally learned how to carry myself a certain way that made men pursue me and ask me out. I finally began to demonstrate to the men in my life that I had value and I was a woman that men pursued.
I came a long way and I know you can too. What do you need to do so that you show up as a woman to be desired? How do you present yourself so that you have men pursuing you? How do you carry yourself in a way that shows men you have your act together and you know you’re worth being pursued?
You have to actually have your act together! Listen, I can give you all the dating advice in the world, but if you don’t have your act together, then none of that matters.
The Secret to “Playing Hard To Get”
You know the saying “playing hard to get,” right?
Well, in a sense it works, but you have to be careful. I don’t like that it’s called playing hard to get because that’s indicates playing games. Once you have your act together, however, you simply are hard to get. You’re not a diva, but to date you requires a level of difficulty. You require the men in your life to show you that you’re a priority. You’re more difficult to get then the other women who don’t value themselves. You’re no longer willing to waste your time on someone who doesn’t show you respect and basic courtesy. You have self-love and know that you deserve the kind of person in your life that appreciates you and shows you this with their actions.
You are actually hard to get, but you’re not playing games!
Hey, I didn’t have it all together, and none of us ever really have it all together. I did get to a place in my life where I was finally confident about who I was. I was proud of myself and content with where I was in my life. I grew to be a more emotionally mature adult. It took me a while to demonstrate what I’m about to tell you. I took it one day at a time. Things didn’t change overnight but they did change. You’ve heard the saying “Fake it ‘till you make it,” right? That’s generally what I did until finally one day I realized..
I’d made it.
You can make it too. I promise.
Five Week Challenge to Getting Your Act Together
Each week I will devote one blog post to one of five ways that I believe everyone should either have their act together, or be working towards getting your act together.
After all, we’re all a work in progress and none of us are perfect.
Once upon a time I followed every dating guru I could find, and I learned all of the dating strategies that worked and didn’t work for me through trial and error. What happened? Well, I learned what to do and what not to do, but I also learned why everything I was doing still wasn’t working.
Why wasn’t it working?
My Aha Moment..
I finally realized that the more work I did solely on myself to make myself happy, and the less time I spent worrying about men or relationships, the more my life improved. I was hyper focused on ME and making myself happy first, and men finally began to show up and focus on me too!
If you’re looking for love and struggling I want you to read each blog post over the next five weeks. Write down your plan of how you will tackle each area that you’re struggling with. Maybe you can’t accomplish it all in five weeks, but you can plan what you need to focus on improving over the next five weeks. Also, I’m sure you’ll find that you have some of the areas already covered! After all, we all struggle in different areas.
Listen, I did it. I’m still doing it, because let’s face it….We never finish growing and we never should. We continue to learn new things about ourselves, good and bad. If I can do it then I know you can too. Take the time to read each blog post over the next five weeks and come up with your plan if you’re struggling in the area we address that week.
Focus solely on making yourself happy and improving your life. Let love and relationships take a back seat for a little while. Focus on taking care of YOU. You deserve it.
Also, be sure to remember that you can’t focus on everything you want to change at once. You have to focus on what you need to change NOW, and then prioritize the other areas based on the level of importance. Remember, life is about balance. You should aim for balance and not perfection. Life is a constant juggling act of what’s important right NOW. Changes happen in life and therefore our priorities shift.
What do I mean? Well, if you’re trying to quit smoking, it’s probably not wise to try and diet at the same time. In fact, you will gain some weight as you quit. Tell yourself your weight gain will be temporary, and then once you have the smoking under control, you will shift your focus on any weight gain. Shift your focus dependent upon whatever it is you’re trying to achieve at that moment. Look at the overall effects of your health long-term. Yes, it’s important to be a healthy weight, but obviously it’s more important to quit or cut back on smoking first.
Maybe you’re going through a major job change and you’re more stressed than normal. Give yourself some time to adjust before taking on any new challenges. Make your mental health a priority first, before your physical health. After all, if you’re in a crappy or stressful place mentally, its more difficult to do just about everything.
I also believe that if you do anything to the extreme, then other areas of your life will suffer. Super easy example of this is working too much, right? If you have children and you’re spending too much time at the office or with your head in your computer, your children will suffer the consequences. You won’t be able to tend to them as much as you should. I know exactly when I haven’t been paying enough attention to my kids. They begin to act out. They’re going to get my attention one way or the other! It’s when this happens, I know that I need to shift my priorities a bit to make sure my children know that they are #1 in my life.
Life is about learning how to balance everything and setting your priorities. Life is also about changing your priorities and being flexible when things may need to shift for a while. Life changes and therefore priorities change. Life is a balancing act.
Just remember as you focus on improving areas of your life, that others areas may need to take a back seat for a while. Also, please don’t aim for perfection. Again, aim for balance as you work on different areas of your life. It’s also important for you to remember not to be hard on yourself as you realize the areas of your life that you may need to work on. Remember, this should inspire you to make changes, and it should NOT make you feel badly about yourself. Forgive yourself and make strides to make changes in your life. Don’t be a jerk to yourself and be your biggest supporter. You’ve got this!
This first week (next week) is about simply taking care of yourself. How do you balance all of the areas of life that are important to prioritize? Do you take good care of yourself?
I hope you’ll join me next week as we kick off the Five Week Challenge to Getting Your Act Together. By the way, I also needed a reminder about what’s important to focus on in order to keep it together when life throws you new challenges. As you know, it always does! Just when we think we have it all figured out.
Remember It’s Never Too Late to accomplish your goals. The only deadline we have is the one we put on ourselves. Never give up.
Take care and until next week!
Stay tuned for next week as we kick off the first of the Five Week Challenge. I describe the four ways that each of us should be taking care of ourselves.
Subscribe to my newsletter for updates and more posts like this.