“Find Your Soul. Find Your Soulmate.”
Episode #33: Are you Dealing with a Crazy Person?
Learn the signs of what I call crazy people. Learn how to identify this type of person and learn how to get out.
(see transcript below podcast links)
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(transcript from the episode below)
So I wrote a blog post about, gosh, I don’t know, half a year ago, and it was called, are you done with crazy? And I super mad whenever I wrote it, I was dealing with a crazy person. And Yeah, I think most people are generally good. I think most people can be better, but you know as well as I know that they are just some people out there who are crazy and as a result they drive you crazy. So I’m finally at a point in my life where I’m done with crazy. I mean it. If someone is mentally draining and affecting my life negatively then I’m done. Peace out.
Too many times throughout my life. I let someone take too much of my time and energy once upon a time. I let people hurt me. If someone didn’t intend to hurt me, even though they did, then I thought, well, they’re broken and it’s my job to fix this person. I thought I was a bad person for leaving someone in need of help. Maybe they couldn’t help themselves because some really bad stuff happened to them.
I thought I had to be a good person and help because it’s the right thing to do. I was a magnet for broken men. Heck, I was in magnet for broken people in general because I do like to help people. It feels good when I’m able to help another person. It makes me happy. I thought a broken person deserved my time and energy and you know what? That’s total BS. I’ve gotten to a point in my life that I am officially done with crazy. I don’t care how much that person thinks they need me. I don’t care how bad he or she tries to make me feel for walking away. I’m simply not falling forward anymore. It’s just not worth it.
If a person isn’t willing to help him or herself, then I’m done wasting my time. I’ll try, but I’m no longer anybody’s fool. And you know the saying, George Bush tried so hard to articulate but only butchered. He meant, well, fool me once. Shame on you, fool me twice. Shame on me, right? I finally realized that I don’t have to be so nice. I finally realized that there are good people in my life who truly care about me and they deserve my time and devotion. No longer do I have space in my mind or my heart for takers and users. I’m over it some wise to it and may happen once, but it won’t happen again.
So do you think you are with a taker? Are you with someone who’s wearing you out? Has this person taken so much from you that you feel just physically depleted? Maybe this person continues to hurt you and refuses to take any responsibility? It’s always your fault. No matter the circumstances. Do you feel like you have to figure things out all on your own? It’s always on you to deal with it. Or worse, are you with someone who puts you down when you’ve called them out on a bad behavior and so over it rather than try and fix what’s wrong in their life? They try to make you feel like it’s your fault. And you know who I’m talking about. This is the man or woman who finds blaming you whenever he or she is unhappy with their own life. This is the person who has no accountability for their actions. This person is simply unable to ever say, I’m sorry or I was wrong. It’s always someone else’s fault. This is the person who’s always the victim. The victim will only full people for so long.
Time will tell eventually, if you pay attention to repeated behaviors and time will tell the victim’s time does eventually run out. So how do you know you’re with someone who’s crazy or worse? They’re making you feel crazy. Call it narcissistic. Call it selfish. Call it lazy. Call it broken. You can call it whatever you want, but I’m going to loop all of these words together and just call it what it is. Crazy.
So how do you spot crazy? How do you know you’re with someone who’s broken? How do you know your with someone who’s a taker? And I’m not talking about only dating by the way, I’m talking about friends, ex’s, family members, coworkers, even. So I’m going to talk about some crazy signs that you know you’re with someone who is going to deplete you and drive you nuts. Take a listen. I’ll try to contain myself. Uh, so crazy.
Sign number one, “Why I would never!”
He or she could never admit wrongdoing. It’s like there’s a mental block on this person’s forehead and it’s impossible to ever hear, I’m sorry, or I was wrong from this person. It’s simply never happens. Even when it’s obvious a certain behavior is wrong, this person will find a scapegoat or a lame excuse. There’s no accountability for even the worst of behaviors with this person. This person acts shocked when you call them out on something as if they would never do like that. Even if they did plain as day behaved in a manner that is unacceptable. They look at you as if you did something wrong. How dare you accuse them when really they’re just pissed that you called them out and tried to make them accountable for their actions. Crazy maker.
So crazy. Sign number two, the, “You made me act this way!” They’re horrible behavior is all your fault.
Even when this person displayed the worst of behaviors, they somehow turn it around on you. You made them behave this way. They only acted that way because of something that you did. If you hadn’t done “fill in the blank,” then they never ever would have done “insert bad behavior.” Whatever that is, this person has the inability to self reflect and make better choices. He or she takes the easy way out by placing blame on others. It’s your fault. They behaved poorly.
Oh, the next one, next crazy sign, “The compulsive liar.” He or she lies even about stupid things of no consequence. Then this person actually has the nerve to say they didn’t lie and you just remember incorrectly. This is the biggest crazy maker of all. You know what you remember, but it seems they always find a way to twist the truth. This person literally lives in an altered reality. It’s crazy. They literally misremember events so they don’t feel so bad about it. That’s their unhealthy coping mechanism. This person lies so much to others and to himself or herself that he literally doesn’t remember what the truth is anymore to this person. The truth is now the lie, it’s creepy as hell, but there’s people who do this.
Okay. The next crazy sign, “Hello, Dr. Jekyll or Mrs. Hyde?” He or she is either the nicest person or they’re putting you down and taking jabs at you. There really is no in between. It’s either a really awesome time with this person or there is drama and hostility. You’re never quite sure who you’re going to get. This is the person that you find yourself walking on eggshells around. You’re not really sure what might set this person off. It’s almost as if this person is two people and you’re just hoping for the nice one. The nice one is actually extremely pleasant and likable, but don’t be fooled. This is how the manipulation works. The goal is to catch you totally off guard so you aren’t prepared to handle it. Crazy maker.
The next crazy sign, “Prince charming or evil villain?” This person is super charming to everyone around you at social events, but when it’s just the two of you, this person can be extremely cold and harsh. This person would never behave in front of others the way that they behave in front of you. Again, there’s no in between. It’s like a rollercoaster ride that you can’t wait to get off. It can be exciting at first because this person is, this is the person who is so overly nice to you and then you realize it’s really one of those freaky carnival rides that sure to go off the rails at any moment. This is the person that people are shocked that you broke up with. They cannot even fathom the truth about this person because he or she is so overly charming. This person over compensates with others because they want you to look like you’re the unreasonable one.
He or she can only behave for so long, but eventually their true colors show this person is like a ticking time bomb that you’re just waiting to set off. The tricky thing is you have no idea what will ignite it. It’s infuriating and it’s super confusing.
So the next one, next crazy sign, “how could you?” Everything’s going great and then boom, out of nowhere you’re getting accused of something that you would never do. This happens because this person judges you based on what they would do, they accuse you of something most likely because they’ve actually done it themselves. There’s no direct correlation based on your past behavior, but instead it’s based on their past behavior. So what does this look like? Basically, imagine getting accused of something you would never do. Then watch closely because most likely this person has done exactly what they’re accusing you of doing.
The next crazy sign, “Convenient amnesia.” This person will tell you what you want to hear when you’re really mad and then months later they’ll act like it never happened. This person agreed to something when he or she thought you were really done this time and then months later they literally deny everything. You feel like you’re going out of your mind when this happens and you know what happened, but they refused to discuss or confirm it when it becomes a problem again. Oh Gosh. I dealt with this a lot with someone I was with and it was, it was a crazy maker.
So the next crazy sign and the last one, “The opportunistic therapist.” This person knows about certain events or traumas in your life and we’ll use that information to take you down when there’s a disagreement. This person will take something that happened to you in your past and we’ll use that as the scape goat for their behavior.
They will try and tell you it’s not really their behavior that’s bothering you. It’s affects from you know, a traumatic event that occurred in your life. This person has all of a sudden become a therapist in their own mind. This one’s a real mind beep. You know what I mean? But you got to love the creativity. Listen, if you’re friends with someone or dating someone like this, and I really feel for you. The longer you’re with this type of person, and they may be doing a combination of these different things and most likely if they would do one, they probably are doing all of these things, but it just kind of comes in different forms and there’s different signs and it kind of shows up differently. But the longer you are with this type of person, the more your own perceptions and reality are seriously altered.
It can take a while to get out from under someone. So manipulative, and I’m not even saying they’re doing it on purpose, some people just, it’s either learned behavior, but I firmly believe that everybody knows right from wrong. There’s the basics. Lying is bad, yelling at someone is bad, but these are the people that just seem to always have a reason for their behavior. And there’s always an excuse and there’s no accountability. None.
So do you think you’re dating a crazy person? And how do you get out of it? And this goes back to the compulsive liar. When I was talking about, I was with the person years ago romantically and I finally got out, we would have a discussion about something and we would make an agreement that a bad behavior with stop. Then three to six months would go by, and he inevitably did it again. And when I would reference our prior conversation, he would literally deny the conversation ever took place. He would even deny the behavior ever occurred in the first place. He would say to me, point blank that he had no idea what I was talking about.
He would look at me like I was crazy and he did this repeatedly for years. I felt like I was losing my mind. My reality was being questioned and I would know in my gut and in my mind what really happened, but this other person would flat out deny it. Then he even tried to tell me I was crazy or that it was all in my head. It was miserable. And so does this sound familiar to you? I hope it doesn’t, but you know, especially if you’re nice, I felt like the nicer of a person you are, the more susceptible you are to this kind of behavior. So do you want to know what I finally did? I started to write everything down. Literally everything I wrote down the date and time it, whatever it was happened, and then as much detail as possible surrounding the incident, whatever it was, and then when the bad behavior would inevitably occur again, I would refer back. I would literally say to him, Nope, on this day at this time you said or did this, and I wrote it down that day and it drove him nuts. And when you do this, there’s really nothing the other person can say.
Unfortunately, it’s not even, it’s almost not even worth bringing it up because crazy people don’t live in reality. They just don’t. In fact, if you’re with someone who has a temper, it just really pisses that person off. So you have to be careful. But the thing is, I didn’t do it to prove anything to him. I did it for myself. I did it for myself. So I knew without a shadow of a doubt the truth. I was in this altered reality for so long that I hardly knew what was true anymore. I was told for so long that I was the one who is wrong or crazy or making a big deal out of nothing and this continuance of lies and deception had actually become my new normal. I had to figure out what to do and I had to figure out what was real.
Again, I had to re learn the truth again in a sense. So you want to know what happened next. Things became so unbelievably clear. Then I got mad, I got really mad. I removed this person from my life as much as possible. I still write everything down. It really helps you to keep your head on straight and if you get you get back to living in reality without this person interfering, if it’s written down, then it’s real. It’s more concrete, it’s the actual reality and you know, then you just got to make a choice to not let this person rent any more space in your head. It’s actually saying that my family has. We say, you know when we’re officially done with crazy that you know, don’t let that person rent any more space in your head.
So you know there’s going to be new people and old people, not old, but you know people from your past, you might return that come into your life to test your limits again if you’re in the situation. I urge you to keep a journal and write stuff down. Of course, I always say, you should keep a journal. Nothing new there, but I always say you should write everything down. Basically. If you’re struggling with anything or anyone in your life, then you should write about it and then reference it when you need to. It provides clarity and focus when you really need it most. It keeps you real. It keeps you grounded in reality. It also helps you to remember how you felt at the time. This feeling then becomes a trigger and this trigger can then be used to help you out in future situations with other takers and users. Pay attention to the feeling. This becomes your gut reaction, and I always say, you have to listen to your gut.
So are you really dealing with the crazy person? I mean, maybe it’s not as bad as I mentioned above. Maybe there’s someone in your life who’s a friend that’s just mentally draining you. You feel like you’ve helped this person over and over again, and this person just doesn’t ever seem to get it. Or worse when you stop helping them because they never take your advice, they get mad at you. Oh, it’s infuriating. Um, I see this all the time with the people that I help in my life and it drives me nuts. In fact, it was taking up so much of my time that I had to learn to set boundaries and I have a new mantra that I live by as it relates to how much I allow people to influence my life. I have one life and I choose to protect it. I want my life to be peaceful.
I hate drama. I’m no longer willing to allow people into my life that are sucking the life out of me. So thanks so much for listening today. And you know, if you have someone in your life that’s mentally draining you, maybe it’s not this bad. I hope it’s not this bad. But you know, I felt like we all come across this type of person at least once in our life. And it’s very difficult if you’re a kind, open minded person because you really want to believe, you really want to believe they mean what they say. But there are some people who just, they don’t live in reality because they can’t handle it. Um, and what I found is that these people really just, they don’t have healthy coping mechanisms. So, what they do is they sweep it under the rug. They, they deny, deny, deny, and accuse and they place blame and they can’t be accountable for their actions.
And the sad truth is that you can’t, you can’t change somebody who does that. And you can’t make someone be accountable for their actions. You just can’t. It’s sad, but it’s true. And you know, I always say, give people the benefit of the doubt and give people a chance. But you can’t allow people into your life that are using you or you know, think of it this way. You know, you have people in your life, like your children or you know, I had to make a choice a while back to stop spending time with a person, because I felt like this person was becoming too dependent on me. I was a single mom at the time and I had two children and I found myself, you know, entertaining a lot of they’re stuff and it was taking away from my focus on my children and, and that to me was really the wake up call that was, that was, I can’t continue to give this much time and attention to this person.
They continue to do the same mistakes over and over and over again. I mean, it’s one thing to have a setback and get yourself back on track. But if a person continues to do and repeat the same poor behaviors over and over and over again, it’s not on you to fix that person. You, do have the right to walk away. You don’t have to be a jerk about it. You don’t even have to make some big, you know, declaration that I am cutting you out of my life. Like you don’t, you just kind of sink back into the background and you just stop spending time with the person and you kind of phase yourself out, so to speak, or you know, do whatever makes you comfortable. But bottom line, you are not responsible for another person’s happiness.
You are not responsible for another person’s choices. The only things you’re responsible for are your own choices in how you treat people. And if you have been kind to someone and you have shown them love and you have, you know, show them respect and give them the benefit of the doubt repeatedly and they’re still not getting it, and it’s affecting you negatively, and if it’s causing stress in your life, and we all deserve to live a peaceful life, we all deserve that. No drama. You have the right to walk away.
So I’ll get off of my rant today. Thanks so much for listening again. You can visit me at www.nikibooker.com and I offer private coaching. If you have someone in your life and you’re having a hard time walking away from this person, or maybe you’re not sure if they’re crazy, but you suspect and they’re just broken and you can’t get out from under it. I’m here. I’m happy to help visit me and Remember to take care of yourself. You deserve to have peace and happiness in your life.
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