I’ve been there. I’ve hit rock bottom.
Not only did I pull myself out of it, but I’m now happier than I ever thought possible.
I know you can be too.
Are you struggling with relationships and need some real advice?
Do you want direct advice that isn’t all rainbows and unicorns?
Do you want advice from someone who has been where you are?
Do you want peace of mind and happiness in your life?
There’s no cost.
Why Join? What do you get?
Each week I write about an issue that occurred in my life and how I navigated through it.
I share that with the intent to help you navigate through it as well.
You may find in your inbox just what you need to hear that week.
We’re all human and experience the same issues to some degree.
Sometimes we just need a little help getting through life’s challenges.
“The slightest adjustment to your own perceptions can completely change how you cope with any issue you’re struggling with.”
Sometimes we just need to hear the right message.
I can help you. I want to help you.
What else do you get?
I also offer FREE consults to subscribers only! I offer open spots to subscribers FIRST. If those spots are all taken, then they are NOT offered to anyone else.
(HINT: They have not yet been offered to anyone else)
Once you subscribe you also have my personal email address. Many subscribers email me with questions that I’m happy to answer.
I love how the mind works and I’ve studied it a lot. I’ve studied evolutionary psychology, motivational psychology, human sexuality, social psychology, and cognitive and physiological psychology.
But the real reason I am passionate about what I do is because of my own personal story that you can read about here.
You CAN achieve peace and balance in your life. I want to help you.
You deserve it.
Not even sure where to begin? Are you feeling totally lost and need to talk?
I’ve been there and would be happy to talk with you.
I offer private coaching and would love to help you find out what’s stopping you from reaching your true potential for happiness.
Here’s a sample of what was recently sent to my subscribers ONLY.
One of my subscribers is going through a divorce and it reminded me of myself when I was going through the same thing. It was tough and during our call I felt like I heard my divorced self talking on the other end of the phone. She is very brave and an extremely impressive woman, so of course it makes me sad to hear her going through this. It brought back a lot of memories. After our call, I sent her an email to summarize the main points of what we discussed.
As I’ve said before, we all go through and experience the same struggles and emotions so I wanted to share my notes to her. Even if you aren’t going through a divorce but just ended a bad relationship, this can apply to you as well.
Hi (amazing woman),
I wanted to jot down some notes for you as a result of our call yesterday. I hope it helps and hope you will keep me posted.
1) Pay attention to the negative self-talk and change the message. What you think about you bring about. You are NOT what your ex tells you that you are. You are what you tell yourself that you are. I also struggled a lot with the negative self-talk as I was going through my divorce because I constantly had someone putting me down. If you’ve been in a relationship like that for a long time, it takes a while to break your mind set, but you CAN break it. When you hear bad stuff about yourself for so long you begin to believe it!
You’re smart to remove someone like that from your life.
2) Don’t let your ex’s thoughts become your own. You are only who YOU decide to be and who you tell yourself that you are.
I hope you’re proud of what you’ve accomplished. Tell yourself what you want to be and be that person.
When I think about you, here’s what I see:
- You’re brave enough to be a single mom.
- Brave enough to leave an unhappy marriage.
- Smart enough to know that your ex will not change. (So many women struggle with this and hang onto false hope)
- Strong enough to make big changes in your life, even though it’s scary. (Most people don’t have the guts and stay in a bad relationship because they thinks it’s better than being alone!)
It’s so scary when you’re going through a divorce. There’s so much still unknown to you and it can affect every decision you make. It also makes each decision that much harder to make because so much is unknown! It’s a viscous cycle, but one that can be broken.
After (and during) a divorce it’s hard to get out from under your ex’s influence, but it will happen after you continue to change the way you speak to yourself. It just takes some practice.
Its funny, we leave someone because of how badly they speak to us, and then we turn around speak even worse to ourselves! When your ex tries to tell you that you aren’t good enough at (fill in the blank) or you should be doing (fill in the blank), turn him OFF. You must no longer allow him to dictate how you should feel about yourself. You no longer have to entertain his opinions. You can simply tell him “agree to disagree” and end the conversation.
3) You only owe him conversation that pertains to child care. That’s all. I think you should put up some boundaries between you and your ex. Have some ground rules for when you are around each other and the children. This is especially hard to do when you have the children, but still possible. Make it clear that it’s about the kiddos and their well being and that’s all. His opinions of you are no longer useful or pertinent to tending to the children and will not be entertained. It may take some time for him to get the picture, but if you don’t take the bait enough times, he will eventually stop trying to ruffle your feathers.
Remember: He lost the privilege of telling you his opinion when he decided not to support you and love you for who you are.
Any person who feels the need to put another human down, is doing so because of their own insecurities. A secure person does not feel the need to do this. A secure person walks away from a person who doesn’t fulfill their needs. They do NOT put another person down or make them feel badly about who they are. That is NOT brave, and it’s not nice!
4) Once you begin talking more kindly to yourself and are more accepting of yourself, you will begin to attract others who feel the same way. This can take a while but it WILL happen if you continue to practice talking more kindly to yourself. We don’t realize it, but whatever we are feeling will come across on our dates, even if we’re trying to portray the exact opposite! Yes, I’m saying fake it ’till you make it, (in a sense) but it’s not really fake. You know deep down who you are and what you stand for. You just have to believe in yourself more. Once you begin to truly believe it yourself, this will show in how you carry yourself on dates. When you FEEL great, you feel great to be around.
5) Also, remember that going through a divorce is constant negativity. You live in a negative place a lot because that’s what’s going on in your life at the time. The good news is that it’s temporary! This too shall pass.
6) We talked about how you should write down every crappy thing that your ex said you were, you did, you are, on the left side of the page. Then across the page on the right side, change the message to YOUR truth, not his. Change the message so that next time you hear that from him, you have your own CORRECT message that you begin to tell yourself. Then tune his ass out!
7) Once you’ve created your list, tear it in half! Burn or tear up the crappy list. Keep the list that you create for yourself that changes the message and start living THAT list. THAT list is who you KNOW that you are deep down, or you would still be allowing yourself to be with a person who does not value and appreciate you. This is a very strong exercise that reinforces your thoughts. The ritual in itself is very powerful!
8) I promise there’s good guys out there. Sometimes we just have to do a little work on ourselves first, so that when he finally shows up, we’re ready.
Food for thought: If I would have met my husband a few years ago, I would not have been ready for him. I was a hot mess! He says the same thing about himself! We laugh about it now but we also give ourselves credit for pursuing happiness, and all the hard work we did on ourselves to get us there.
9) Timing is everything. Spend the time working on and focusing on you. I think that when you’ve spent the time working on yourself and you’re really ready….the right guy shows up. It’s when you’re really ready for him that he appears in your life. You can’t force it. The only thing you CAN force is what you do about YOU.
10) You’re going through a divorce which is one of the most stressful life events a person can have. Give yourself time to heal and time to focus on yourself. Also, be kind to yourself and give yourself a little break sometimes.
11) You are your best asset. Be proud of yourself for being brave enough to make the difficult choices in life. Be proud of yourself for being strong enough to persevere when it gets tough. Never give up and forge ahead even when you feel like your tank is running on empty. THAT is when the trues changes begin to occur in your life.
Take care and talk soon. 🙂