Breakups are the worst. Another one bites the dust! Another 6-months of time wasted! Just when we think we’ve found a keeper… BAM, it’s over. Just when we’re beginning to get comfortable, reality hits. Maybe you’ve been together for years or you’re going through a divorce, so it’s not so sudden? Maybe you’ve seen it coming for a long time.
Regardless of the circumstances, it blows.
What’s the fastest way to get over a breakup?
What’s the quickest way to move on?
How do you prevent the sadness, anger, and hurt from lingering on for too long?
While it’s okay to be sad for a while, you cannot allow yourself to live in a negative mental state for too long…
Learn from it. Reflect a bit but don’t overanalyze and obsess. Don’t entertain the negative thoughts for too long…
You have to stay positive.
There’s two ways that we entertain the negative self-talk after a breakup that I describe below…
Yes, it’s okay to gorge yourself on a pint of ice cream and stay in your pajamas all weekend binge watching “The Handmaid’s Tale.” Yes, it’s okay to cry and to reflect on what went wrong. It’s okay to hang up a picture of your ex and throw darts at his head. All of that is okay. It’s okay to be sad.
For a little bit…
Then you’ve got to pick up and move on. Lick your wounds, and get back out there.
Remember. Most people you date and meet will not be your forever person. I know that sucks to hear.
The longer you allow yourself to wallow in your own misery, the longer the pain will last.
You must move on and know that it’s for the best and it’s not the end of the world. (Even if it may feel like that at the moment). You cannot allow yourself to get stuck in a negative mental state. You are not doomed! You are not hopeless! You will not die alone surrounded by ten cats.
You cannot allow yourself to get sucked into a bottomless pit of negativity. I know that sounds tough, right? I mean after all, you probably just had your heart ripped out and you’re struggling to give the faintest of a smile.
Try to be patient and stay positive. Remember, if you’re waiting for the real deal, then you will begin and end a lot of relationships. You need to date and meet a lot of people before you can find the person for you. It’s just the way it is. (Read Old School Dating and learn why it’s the BEST and quickest way to find your forever person.)
I know some of you are reading this thinking… whatever lady. That’s dumb. I’m sad and you can take your positivity and shove it. That’s okay. Maybe you’re not ready yet. Maybe you need a little more time. Maybe you need to sulk a bit more.
Here’s the deal.
You can wallow for as long as you would like, but the sooner you move on and accept it, the happier you will be. Forgive this person and move on. The more you do what I’m about to describe below, the more you will continue to suffer and experience pain. The more you will prolong your heart break.
There’s actually two ways in which we allow ourselves to get sucked into the negativity. There’s two ways of thinking that keep us stuck in the pain and suffering phase. Some of us may do one or the other, and some of us may do a combination of both.
#1 – Entertaining The Mind Garbage
We mentally bash ourselves and do what I call the negative self-talk. You know what I’m talking about. We blame ourselves for why a relationship didn’t work out. We decide we weren’t smart enough for this person, pretty enough, or skinny enough. We decide that we were too needy, too nice, too demanding, too this or that. We second guess every little thing we did or said. We repeat these messages over and over again to ourselves in our mind. Right? We’ve turned our brain into a negativity mill constantly churning out hate and blame. We’ve mentally bashed ourselves so much how can we possibly feel worthy of anyone? How can we possibly feel confident again?
#2 – Playing The Blame Game
We play the blame game. We focus on everything that the other person did wrong. We decide it’s all their fault and we think about all the crappy things they did to us. We play it over and over again in our head. We talk to our girl friends about what a jerk he was. We say we’re done with men! They all suck! They’re all jerks! Instead of picking up and moving on, we entertain the blame and hate. Instead of thinking about how you just weren’t a good fit, you decide it has to be someone’s fault. That person sucks and they’re crazy. That person will never find love because he’s such a jerk. He’s selfish and rude for not wanting the things that I want. If they only would have done this or that, then it would have worked out. Again, constant negativity.
Listen if someone cheats on you or betrays you in some way, then yes that person is a jerk. I’m not disagreeing with you, but you can’t allow yourself to get sucked down into the ugliness. The longer you entertain the negativity, the harder it is to get out of it! The longer you entertain the blame and hate, the longer you will stay heart broken.
Open yourself up to new opportunities…and shift your mind set.
You have to realize that it just wasn’t meant to be. Wish that person the best (as hard as it may be) and simply move on. Find someone else. It didn’t work out for a reason. That reason is not because you aren’t good enough. That reason is not (most likely) because the other person is a selfish jerk. Most of the time, you realize after dating someone, that you simply aren’t a good fit. You have to be mature about it. You have to realize that sometimes you want or need different things. Sometimes you simply cannot provide for each other. As you date, you continue to learn things about the other person that simply don’t work for you. Aren’t you glad you found out now before you got married, or invested anymore of your time? Aren’t you glad you found out before you had children?
It doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault. You can be sad about it, but it is what it is. Most relationships end. Most don’t work out. I don’t say that to be pessimistic. I say this so that you keep that in mind as you date people. (Please make sure you read Old School Dating to learn more how to keep things in perspective so that you don’t continue to end up heart broken. I cannot stress this enough.)
Find the positives in the negative moments of your life.
That’s the only way to get through difficulties. Cling to hope. Cling to love. Cling to the fact that you are now one step closer to finding your person.
You must dig deep and find a glimmer of hope. You cannot give up! You must continue to tell yourself that you are one step closer to meeting someone special. THE one. I know this will sound difficult, but you must begin to tell yourself that it’s exciting that you get to start over.
You have to shift your mind set.
You get to date again!
You get to meet new and interesting people again!
You get to experience the butterflies in your stomach again!
You get to have another first kiss!
You get to have another hot and steamy make-out session!
You get to be pursued again!
You have the opportunity to find someone even better!
You get another shot at love!
You get to fall in love, eventually.
Don’t live in a negative state for too long or you risk getting stuck there. If you’re stuck there for too long then you’re missing out on other opportunities.
Keep your heart open even if it’s tough right now. Stay positive and open yourself back up to opportunities. Don’t miss out because you decided to wallow for too long!
Smile and know that you will be okay. Breakups are the worst but they’re temporary. Just remember that. This too shall pass.
Live in a place of positivity and good things will come your way. Remember, what you think about you will attract. If you spend the majority of your time entertaining negativity and blame, then you will attract other negative people who do the same thing.
Practice positivity. Don’t let this breakup take you down! Learn from it and move on. Don’t give up and be resilient. It’s going to be okay. Your person is waiting around the corner for you. Smile because you know you’re one step closer to finding him.
Did you meet someone and want to be sure he sticks around? Read here.
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